Celluloid Dreams #2 - Keith G.'s Movie and TV "What if.." Composition

[Keith G.]

The other day I was dispensing some words of “wisdom” to a fellow USH’er.  I quoted Jack Burton from Big Trouble in Little China when I said “You never know ‘til you try.”  Wise words.  However, shortly after I began to think about another wise one of the cinema – Yoda from The Empire Strikes Back.  He told Luke to “try not.  Do, or do not.  There is no try.”  Wise words once again, but who is more right?

First off, you’ve got Jack.  He’s a wise cracking everyman who lives for himself and for his truck.  He’s not interested in deep wisdoms, no matter how ancient.  His way of thinking is just as he said : you don’t know if something will work unless you try.  It was this way of thinking that revealed to us that a floating multi eyed Behloder can take a couple bullets to the head and not die.  Thanks Jack, that’s good info to have.

Master Yoda however, doesn’t believe in the philosophy of trying.  He dismisses it all together.  You either do something or you fail. That’s kind of a cocky way of thinking wouldn’t you say?  Would it stand to reason then that in every lightsaber duel he was in, every action he made was not first thought out as to whether or not it would work?  I’d be willing to bet that there’s been a few times where Yoda has said “Jump to this ledge, I must.  Make it, I hope.”  There just has to be a little self doubt floating around in that little green head of his.

So with all this trying and great minds throwing out pearls of wisdom, my mind began to wander, as it usually does, and I thought of an interesting encounter that would only play out in my head.  I share with you now…..

Big Trouble in Little Degobah

After the events in Little China, Jack Burton was driving on the highway in his big rig, The Pockchop Express.  He swerved to miss a ten foot tall roadblock.  He ran his truck straight into a giant flashing light that inexplicably appeared on the roadside and transported him to a giant marshy wasteland.  He wakes up under a tree with his truck no where in sight.

Jack looks around at his new surroundings in disgust

JACK : Oh great!  Alright Jack, what’ve you done this time?  First Chinatown with Lopan and his Flying Trapeze Henchmen and now this…this place.

YODA :  Degobah, it is.

Jack turns around startled at the sight of the little green Jedi.

JACK : Whoah! Geeze, ya scared me!

YODA : Hmmm, yes

JACK : Uh..listen, I don’t know what happen, but I was driving my truck and crashed into some big white light and now I’m here.  My trucks gone and I just want to find it and get the hell out of here.

YODA :  Help you find it, I will.

JACK : Right….um, what’s with the backwards talking there, Lucky Charms?

YODA : No concern to you, it is not.  Want your truck back, you do, hmmm?

JACK : Yeah, actually I do, that’s what I already told ya.  Now have you seen it or not?

YODA : Seen it, I have not.

JACK : So how the hell are you gonna help me, huh?  You look like you can barely stand up –

Yoda force throws a small rock at Jack’s head, but Jack snatches it in the air and tosses it back at him.  Yoda barely manages to stop it in the air.

YODA : Hmmm, good, you are.  But no Force in you, do I sense.

JACK : Force?  No, see, it’s all in the reflexes.

YODA : Reflexes?  Get you so far, they will.  Run out soon, they will.

JACK : Yeah, well, I like to pace myself anyway.  Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna try to find my truck.

YODA : No, try not, do or do not.  There is no try.

JACK :  How the hell does that work, huh?  Is my truck just going to suddenly appear or somethin’?  You know something, don’t ya, Hobgoblin?

Yoda closes his eyes and holds out his hand.  Slowly the wet ground behind Jack starts to bubble and his truck slowly rises out of the marsh. Yoda then uses his Force lift to slowly land the truck on solid ground next to an astounded Jack.

JACK : My TRUCK!  The whole time, you knew it was in there?

YODA : Hmmm.  No reflexes.  Saw it sink when you arrived, I did.

Jack reaches up and opens the cab door and muck and muddy water rushes out and lands on his legs.

JACK : DAMMIT!!  Awwww, will ya look at that. Shit! I loved these pants.

YODA : Bad to be you, it is, hmm?

JACK :  Story of my life, pal.

He starts up his truck after a few tries and drives off into another circle of light that appears near a trail.

END DREAM

Man, dreams are weird, huh?  Anyway, that’s it for this edition.  I leave you with what I began last edition and what I like to think of as my Tweets on Films, or Twilms.  Don’t bother to check the amount of letters in each one. I didn’t.

Keith’s Twilm for The Day

As much as I’ve always loved the Rocky films, I’ve always wondered how it is that he even lived through all the films.  He took sooooo many direct shots to the head.  Seriously, go back and watch the fights again.  It’s like he has no concept of blocking.

**The views expressed do not necessarily reflect the views of The-USH.com or its owner.**

[Captain Falcon]

My head started to hurt reading this.  By the time I was done, my head still hurt but at least I got it...sorta.  Thanks for the good stuff.

[Matt W.]

I liked this. Didn't stop reading once. Good job Keith.

Obviously Jack stopped the Rock, though.

[Keith G.]

Of course Jack caught the rock!  He's Jack Burton!